TALKING+TOGETHER+TIME=KNOWING

Oscar Wilde once said, "never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary". Beautiful thought, but when you're fighting the emotional and social currents that come with the dating life, especially the one here at BYU-I, it becomes more of a cute saying that a teenage girl might put on her wall in vinyl than an actual possibility. Let's be real, we will all have more first-date-fails than we will successes. That's just how this one goes. Sorry, not sorry. So how exactly does one find a person to love? Well, clearly, I'm not the best source of information. I'm no relationship guru...aka, I'm single. However, I will impart of whatever wisdom I have, the majority of which I have gained in my Family Relations class this last week. At least you know it's hot off the press.
People filter people. No surprise there. Ring checks are a common thing at BYU-I. No shame. If a person is already taken, then keep moving. We filter people based on their propinquity (how near they are to you based on location), sexual orientation, their looks, their values, education, family, religion, political standing, age, culture, SES, how they communicate, what you have in common, etc. The list goes on. If you had youth leaders like I did than you made more than one list of what you hope for in a future spouse. Back in the day I usually listed things like, "Super-hot, return missionary, funny" and then occasionally there would be something with a little more depth such as, "honest, worthy priesthood holder, hardworking" and so on. Since writing those lists, and actually going through a few relationships "good communication" has skyrocketed to the top of my list! Talk to me! How will you get to truly know someone if you don't talk? Talking leads to self-disclosure. Being open, and 120% transparent with a person is a vulnerable place to be, but it shows the true you. It offers the other person a doorway into who you and what makes you tick. It shows a great deal of trust.
 Spending valuable time together offers opportunities to talk and really get to know each other. Just watching movies together all the time is a pathetic excuse. It's poo. No bueno! You have to have meaningful shared experiences of a wide variety together. Do you know how they handle physical stresses? How about children, are they good with them? Are they easy to work with, or do you want to murder them half way through a project? Do you lift each other up, or are you hindering each other? Allergies? Can they cook more than Ramen and toast? You'll never know if you're just staring at a box that tells you love stories instead of making your own. Date with a plan in mind. Have a purpose. Don't just "hang". Hangers are for closets. Even after you start dating (congratulations if you have made it that far) don't stop going on dates.
In addition to talking and doing things together, you have to give it time. Sure, love at first sight could be a thing. I guess you would have to define "love" to convince me of that, but for the other 99.9% of us, it takes time to love someone. To really love someone. Did you know it takes a minimum of three months before you can even really begin to know someone? In a serious relationship, you can only keep up a "date-face" for so long before you start getting comfortable...and lazy. So, the hair didn't quite get done, or the winged eyeliner wasn't really working for you today. I mean if the relationship is going to keep going than the other person is going to have to get use to the organic you anyways, right? Oh, the mentality of college students. The organic version may not be what you thought it was though. Halo effect, ring a bell? Hence, you have to give it time! Take the time to know someone.
As you get to know someone you can learn whether or not you can trust them. If you can trust them you can come to rely on them. Relying on them leads to commitment, when there is commitment then investing yourself more with appropriate touch is a go. Caution though, being too touchy too soon is a big red flag. The action of touching another person, even something as simple as sitting next to person on a tight airplane ride, causes us to feel we know them more than we do. So, for all you math people and skim readers, TALKING+TOGETHER+TIME=KNOWING. Be smart, do good, and date around. Learn what you like and what you don’t. After all, eternity 

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