Complete Fidelity

Women and men are not the same. Shocking, I know. Your parents may have tried explaining this to you using birds and bees. Having “the talk” however does not mean you are suddenly an expert on sex. It doesn’t work that way. The joining of two people through such intense physical intimacy comes with a lot more than a single conversation or even a single experience can teach you. Before I get into this topic, it is important to lay out on the table the importance of keeping this kind of relationship within the bonds of matrimony. The only truly “safe sex” is done between a husband and wife who have saved that part of themselves for each other. It is safer not just physically but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally as well. Sexual intimacy can be compared to a very delicate gift. It should be unwrapped slowly and together. Just as “The Talk” should not be a one and done thing, neither should sex. Each partner should communicate, cooperate, take time, and explore together. It’s not uncommon for the honeymoon to discourage couples. The cause is often simply that they haven’t had time enough to learn their partner, or even themselves. It’s not a basketball game. There is no hurry, no score, just a team. A couple needs to find ways to communicate verbally and nonverbally throughout the changing cycle. Not only is this important during a single time, but throughout your relationship. You might like one thing at one point in your life and later not be intrigued by it. Expectations are unlikely to be met if they are not communicated. Sex is meant to be a sacred, even spiritual experience. Not a shameful one. One should never do anything that would humiliate/ compromise the others dignity.

              Because men and women experience sex differently it’s important that each couple understands where the other one is at. For example, women generally require more touch and build up than men do. It’s much easier for men to be aroused and as a result can get into it a lot faster than women. Since men can be aroused so quickly it can be beneficial if they show appreciation and care for their wives to help her unwind from various stresses. This will not only help her get into it, but also diminish feelings of being used or objectified by her husband. In return the husband is less likely to be rejected. It’s done together, and as a result is mutually beneficial. Both feel loved and accepted. Women want to feel safe and connected before sex, while men feel safe and connected when having sex. Hence the need to communicate and understand where the other person is at. Having your own agenda just isn’t going to cut it.

              Maintaining complete fidelity within a marriage is incredibly important. In a marriage you have promised yourself to the other person. However just because you are married does not meant that all other sexual temptations stop. In addition to the regularly thought of adultery scenario, infidelity can come through fantasizing over individuals you may not have ever even met, visual stimulation such as porn,  or becoming emotionally involved with another person in a second life. Harold B. Lee once said, “Thought is the father of act”. The Grass will always be greener on the side you water. If you think it looks greener on the other side, it’s time to start watering. Affairs often result in feeling nauseated, repulsed, depressed, undesirable, insecure, helpless, abandoned, anxious, and even suicidal. We live in an increasingly disposable world. Marriage should not be allowed to enter that category. The Latin root of fidelity is “Fides” which means faithful or trust. Husband and wife should honor their marital vows with complete fidelity. Complete faithfulness and trust. Just as a vinyl record comes with the purest form of recorded music, no digital distortions or corrections, but straight from the artist, a relationship should be allowed the most trustworthy form of itself. True love.