It's about a marriage, not a wedding!


Dating. Young adults can't seem to get enough of it. Our everything revolves around relationships. If were not currently in a relationship we probably just got out of one. If we aren't currently in one, we are probably thinking about being in one. If were not thinking about being in one, were probably sporting the fact that we aren't in one. But the thing with dating is that if all we do is date, we'll just end up in a nasty cycle of "hang out, make out, drop out, repeat". Talk about an emotional roller coaster. Hurl!

I'm not saying go into every first date with a ring agenda in the back of your mind, but you also shouldn't throw emotions around like a hacky sack. Avoid just spending time with someone. Invest it.

So, let's say you've got this dating thing nailed down and the question was popped! First off, mozeltoff! Second, Are you ready for this? The average wedding in America costs $30,000. Of course, it doesn't have to be anywhere near that number, but planning a wedding is no piece of fondant covered cake. Why else would there be multiple professions based solely on it. In a lot of ways, it's a baptism by fire for you as a couple to see how you'll work under stress. It should be a project for the two of you to work on together. Don't let it become a creativity war from your mother-in-law’s Pinterest boards. Use your resources, make it an adventure, keep your eye out for red-flags, and most importantly, communicate! It's a dangerous thing going into a marriage with some unspoken contract of expectations. Your spouse is not your "mom". So, if you grew up with your parents picking up your dirty socks from all over the living room floor, don't assume that your spouse is going to pick up where they left off. Talk about everything! Write a physical contract if you need to. Be totally transparent. Be totally open. Be totally honest. An engagement should be appropriately used as marriage practice. Remember, a marriage is the sacred joining of two souls, not a social event for sweet selfies.

When the big day arrives, not only are you getting married, but you should also be getting a divorce. Divorce your parents. Don't shun them, but boundaries need to be established. You and your spouse have some oneness to work on! It’s time to focus on the marriage, not the wedding. Think of all the potential challenges that come up just within the first year. Joining bank accounts, name changes, cultural differences, bed sharing, space sharing, debt, schedules, job distribution, time management, tradition mixing, in-law and friend relations, health, employment, gender roles, insurance, sex, emotional supportiveness, budgeting, future goals, religious observance, you name it and it will probably come up. Although a lot of challenges can be addressed long before marriage, and should be, communication will remain a pivotal factor in your marriage. Be one. It’s so unnatural in today’s society to become “one” that you could call it supernatural, even divine.

              It’s a lot to take in, but if can only handle one more thing in that marriage planning brain of yours, remember to communicate. As you communicate you will be able handle a surprising amount more than you ever thought you could. Communicate with your fiancé and communicate with your Father in Heaven. He sees so much more and so much deeper than we ever could. If your marriage is good, then I promise He will be with you every step of the way. Include him in your dating, in your courting, in your engagement, and in your marriage.

Happy marriage planning!

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