Needed: Parents!

One of my all-time favorite questions to ask on a date is "What form of punishment did you receive most as a child?" I've always just thought it was a funny question but now that I think about it there is a lot one could learn about someone from it. Such as, how wild of a child they were, or how their parents raised them. People often parent similar to the way they themselves were parented. Personally I was issued a time-out sentence more often than anything else.

No parent goes home from the hospital with their first child and truly knows what they are doing. As a result every single person on Earth was raised differently than the rest. Throughout time various alternative parenting has been tried. Before WWI it was fairly common for well-off English households to employ a governess to help raise and educate the children. In Israel, a kibbutz was another form of raising and training children. Boarding schools, finishing schools, child care professionals for 70 years in the Soviet Union etc. But no matter how expensive or innovative the program, children do best with a loving and dedicated mother and father to raise them

When a loving and dedicated mother and father raise a child, all three benefit. As parents fulfill their role they receive deeper a glimpse into their own relationship with God, our Heavenly Father. They have the chance to pass something of themselves on into future generations and further maturation becomes inevitable. The child can better have their individual needs met. They have an automatic support system and can focus on their own growth. The child also will grow up with a sense of belonging and security. Of course, anyone who has ever raise a child knows that a child is only cute until they aren't. Parents must make adjustments Diapers need to be changed and the wipes seem to never be within reach. Bed times won't always be on time. Schedules will need to revolve around the child. Babysitters are required for any night out. Finances will need changing. Patience will be pushed to the breaking point.  Various characteristics a parent may have never seen in themselves or their significant other may emerge, and maturation is inevitable. For better or for worse. After all this a parent might feel the need to reevaluate their purpose and remember how very important they truly are.

Dr. Popkins, who has helped families find their way for over 30 years, teaches five specific purposes of parenting. Each purpose is attached to the fulfilling of a child's need.

Need#1: Contact and Belonging. Parents can offer contact freely and teach children to contribute.

Children sometimes search to have this need fulfilled with undue attention seeking.

Need#2: Power. Parents can teach their child about choices and the positive or negative consequences attached to them. In addition, parents can teach their child about their ability to respond responsibly to those consequences. A child may try to fulfill this need on their own by being controlling or rebelling.

Need #3: Protection. Parents can address this need by modeling and encouraging assertiveness and forgiveness. Parents must also recognize and respect assertiveness when their children use it with them. Children sometimes try to take care of this need with revenge.

Need #4: Withdrawal. Parents can take a break and allow the same for their child. The lack of fulfillment for this need may be expressed by the child through undue avoidance.

Need#5: Challenge. Children, in order to grown and learn, need to be challenged. Parents can instruct and model skill building to help their child fulfill this need. However, a child may try to fulfill this need on their own with undue risk taking.

               

Raising a child is a life-long voyage that begins even before they are born. Parents, Like the ballast in a ship help uphold and steady a child as they continue to learn and grow into adults. But even then, they are still parents. Their shoving off as parents leads to the building and shoving off of future parents. Christopher Columbus once said, “You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”. Bon voyage!